A Recipe: The Special Needs Child: Derek the Elder

That was so fun, it should be duplicated with my other Derek. Here’s another round of little boy recipe.


  • Chip crumbs under the table (He got that from me.)
  • Dirty Dishes left all over
  • Too many video games “Derek shut that off. Now!”
  • Baggy clothes (His mother insisted on two growth spurts for every set of clothing.)
  • Frustration “Why oh why must we do this again?!”
  • Impatience “Jeez! If I get one more question today my head will explode. How about I just open up the top of my head and pour all I know in him and then he’ll stop asking me how stuff works!”
  • A dash of vigilance “Where’s Derek?”
  • Show him a video of himself “Mom why do I act that way? Mom I’m irritating, I’m never doing that again!”
  • Get art (This wasn’t his strong point, but its cherished anyway.)
  • In company of dogs (D: “Mom! Keep the cat off my bed!” Me: “Then make your bed.”)
  • Considerable variety “Mom! I’m bored!”
  • Counter productive distractions “The TV will only hold him about twenty minutes. Quick! Relax!”
  • Repetition until it’s a mantra in your sleep “Stop touching the controls!” or “Derek pick the toys you just used before getting out more!”
  • A smidge of biting my tongue “Mom! I can do it!”
  • Bragging “My kid wrote his name when he was three.”
  • Yodeling “It makes him laugh so he’ll behave.”

Mix liberally with all sciences. Remember experiments lead to towering messes. Better keep it to discussion. Don’t forget distract, distract, distract and with comedy too. Console his teachers that he’ll be in another classroom next year. Let his amazing smile bamboozle all elderly women into an hour of babysitting. It won’t be longer than an hour however, so get your relaxing in quick. Wait for the flowers he brings you and remember that sunny smile works on you too. Let him tell you every joke he knows. They are really funny! Give him a hug if he’ll stop squirming long enough.

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